My four year job honey moon is coming to an end I think. Re-organization they call it or something. My intuition new it on Monday when I pulled into the lot. I actually knew in my gut. Today was the day. We are sorry, but we have to let you go they said.
My reaction? Happy/Excited. Yeh, completely. I was literally overjoyed and new that I must not show it. Fear kicked in later but it was minimal.
The room was stoic and the other three somewhat ticked or worried. They were making up for the lack of fear I had. It was kinda nice.
But, to, pretty telling. I've been ready for years to be out of here. I've held on for one reason and one reason only. The pay. Not the subject, not the people, not the product. I sold my soul. I really did. I tried. Honestly. You all know I tried. I tried to get out. I tried to leave but my value of safety kept coming up and I thought the dollar figure would give me that. And, well, hell. It did.
So now the question is...am I willing to do that again? Am I willing to spend another 4 years at 8 hours every day (sometimes more in the early years) in something that does not do it, isn't it?
I don't know. I really don't.
I have had the best two days that I've had in a long time. Dudes been a saving grace. He knows how to play and we have played. It's great to be a kid...
Last nights small group was great and the conversation that ensued after was equally amazing. It's been a long time. God, so long. And today I am grateful.
Seminary tomorrow...we'll see how it goes.
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